Good morning all. I would like to apologize for slacking in writing on this blog. Its not because I don’t love you……because I do!!! It is because I am….well….just that. A slacker. In many ways my procrastination gets in the way of my life. Like forgetting to make a dental appointment, for six months. (yes, that actually happened)
Today I wanted to fill you in on how my journey to heath and wellness is progressing. I took a few weeks off from c25k because my knees were absolutely KILLING ME!!!! I mean, not being able to walk across the room killing me. I realized that this was from over extending my i-band (does that sound like a failed apple music label to anyone else?) and not stretching enough. Since starting teacher training and pushing myself to do yoga every day the pain is gone. I am back on to week 8. The last week of my training. I will be easing myself back into it today by taking a 20 minute run followed by a five minute walk and athletic recovery yoga tonight.
Really what I wanted to talk about today was my new journey as an aspiring yogi. I started teacher training on Wednesday, and I have already seen transformations in my life. As a person who suffers from insomnia, depression, and several other crappy things in my body I have found that just meditating for a few minutes a day makes a world of difference on my outlook. I went in to my teacher training with the mentality of perfection. I have to be the perfect yogi in order to teach others. I have to be able to do a handstand and hold it for an hour in order to teach someone how to live a more full life. THIS IS NOT TRUE!
I went to class Wednesday and Friday and came home feeling more discouraged than I had felt in a long time. Feeling a sense of unworthiness and disappointment in myself. Why was I not further along in my practice? Why could I not do a headstand? Why did I shake in warrior one? Then I went to meditation with Sarah. She led us through a meditation to help start healing something inside of us that was hurting, whether it be emotionally, physically, or spiritually. I focused on my fear. For that thirty minutes I focused on alleviating the fear from my heart. Fear of failure, fear of rejection, fear of disappointing everyone, fear of disappointing myself. I came out of meditation feeling refreshed and a bit sleepy. Then, I went to a beginner yoga class with Story (she has the most soothing voice and sweet demeanor of anyone I have ever met…EVER) her intention for the class was this:
” If you don’t love yourself, you cannot love others. You will not be able to love others. If you have no compassion for yourself then you are not able of developing compassion for others.”
the Dalhi Lama
I don’t know if she understood how important her words were to me. I felt more alive during that yoga class than I had in any of my other practices up till that moment. I was always telling myself to twist further, bend deeper, feel the burn! Today I was telling myself; “you can do this, and if you can’t I love you anyway. “
On the same note we were all in teacher training focusing on things we could fix in our practices and Patricia, one of the coaches and a sweet sweet woman, told us something wonderful. ” You already have the yoga practice you need in order to teach.” She told us to teach from where we were. If we never had to struggle with difficult poses how would we be able to help a beginner who is straining themselves into up dog? We have to struggle to have compassion on other who struggle.
I feel blessed to be a part of this program, and even more blessed to have the teachers that I have. I crave the positive attention and feedback they are sending my way, and I appreciate the camaraderie of my classmates. Even more I appreciate the practice of yoga for helping put me on a path to becoming ok with myself. I am on a path to healing and forgiving myself for the things I mess up everyday. My life is on a bright path, and I am going to walk in the sunshine.
Ps: stay tuned for more updates from the aspiring yogi